Madrasah

"Di, what day is tomorrow?"

"Monday. Why?"

"Alamak. Sekolah."

***********

I had always thought school life would be the most horrible time of my life. Well, kerja menghadap buku 24 jam sehari, 7 hari seminggu, 365 hari setahun. Yeah I know, I am exaggerating haha. But well yeah, people do say it's so boring because its what we do every single day. It's a routine. Homo sapiens hate routines. It makes their brain shrink. No kidding!

I had always thought my school life was going to end after SPM. Sehabisnya paper apa entah last, freedom bebeh! Feeling lepas tanggungjawab beban segala bagai tu macam, kalau duduk dalam bas rasa nak terkicit, tapi pakcik bas tak berhenti henti. Ha seteghes gila kan! Tapi kalau dapat 'melepas' tu, lega! Haha I don't know why I took that as an example, but frankly, that was exactly how I felt. Hehe.

I had always thought my life post-school would be as hell as exciting as I see on TVs. College life, free, no parents to nag at you in the morning, hang out every weekend, get to be one of the cool kids, sports maniac and more cool college stuffs. Mama, tengok ni. Pengaruh buruk media sosial zaman sekarang. Ish ish ish.

However, Allah nak jugak buktikan "Kun Fayakun" itu suatu yang pasti.

Things that I always had though of tuh, segalanya palsu. Takdir itu Allah yang punya. Kau berangan tahap Minah Jenin sekalipun, kalau Allah kata 'tak', then 'tak' lah jawabnya. Capice?

Jeng jeng jeng.

How's my college life now so far? Not as far as it gets. Same as last year, and the year before, and the 10 years since I got into kindergarten. Sedis.

Apparently, jalan yang Allah tentukan untuk aku ini (ultimately it was I who chose it here so hehe) rupanya bukan jalan yang mudah. Kadang rasa nak terjun tingkap bunuh diri, tapi itu kerja gila. Nanti tak dapat makan ice cream tiap tiap hari Jumaat. Oh cannot! I cannot live without ice cream!

Yep. People always try to make it sound so easy living here. As a Sixth Form student, still wearing uniforms. Nasib pulak dapat uniform bukan baju kurung, tapi acah acah sekolah Indonesian gitu. Skirt labuh sama baju kemeja plus plus tudung putih. Oh ya jangan lupa kasut hitam kilat kilat *bling bling*. Haha sarcasm melampau lampau.

I am not denying, makan sedap mak oih. Jangan cakap pasal makanan. I iz heaven! Haha. Dengar cerita kawan kawan tak cukup makan, belanja sponsor bagi tak cukup kadang kadang. Skip breakfast and amik lunch je lah. Macam macam la lagi nak survive kat uni life diorang tuh. Orang lain berjimat, aku berjimba. Ngeh. Dewan makan tahap 3 star hotel, siap every meal boleh pilih lagi, 'Western or Asian'. Kadang kadang rasa dilema harian paling menyusahkan tu adalah pegang tray tengah tengah jalan, sambil fikir dalam dalam, nak Western ke Asian? Nak chicken chop ataupun daging masak kicap? Nak fish and chips mahupun ayam goreng berempah? And the list goes on.

Stalk gambar kawan kawan lain. Waduh, kurus selim macam model dah diorang sekarang. Pandai bergaya pulak tuh. Peminat keliling pinggang. Posing macam Kim Kardashian.

Aku?

Masih di tahap, lame loser geek nerd (read: people with specs and braces and bad tudung day). Masih di tahap budak hingusan. Budak sekolah. Orang bahasakan diri 'adik' berbanding 'cik'.

*mengeluh*

I had always wanted that kind of free life. Like them, cari makan sendiri, bayar sewa rumah sendiri, basuh tandas sendiri, sapu bilik sendiri, basuh baju sendiri, semua lah sendiri. Indepedent gitu.

Tapi, Allah knows. Aku takkan boleh hidup dalam keadaan susah begitu. Kenapa? Sebab aku dibesarkan dalam keadaan aku satu satunya anak perempuan dalam keluarga, apa mintak semua dapat. Daddy's little girl.

Tersebutlah kisah, seorang budak marhaen di sini. Trying to live her life the way she did not expect it to be.

But this life ain't that  horrible.

The people here, sumpah osem. Okay tolak the fact that mulut sangat laju berkata kesat, well thats how the media brought us up. Not pointing fingers at anyone though. Never hate the sinner, but hate the sin. Yeah, so they are very entertaining bunch of people, have great random ideas, smart intelligent, not to forget bold and courageous.

Dibesarkan dalam keadaan comunity yang sentiasa 'malu malu kucing'. Kalau suruh jawab soalan, "Eh awaklah dulu. Eh takpela awak lah. Awak dulu takpe. Saya malu". Krik krik. Sampai ke sudah tak kemana oi. Kau duduk la situ sampai bila bila. This new community I am currently joining, they totally promote you to be someone outspoken. Outstanding. Segala macam out lah. Haha.

Why? Because they know, if you let people push you down, you are never ever ever going to be on top. And if you are not on top, are you sure you are going to have a pleasurable life with someone who has a totally opposite thinking to you? Nope. Frickin' no.

Kita tidak didedahkan dengan pemikiran 'What will happen to our leaders if they are not us?'. Kita bangsa yang sangat mudah bertolak ansur. Baik, berhati mulia, berlemah lembut. Tak, I am not saying that its wrong. If you are okay with it, then go on. Saya tak halang. Tapi to an extent sampai orang pijak pijak tenyeh kepala kita, taking ourselves for granted, then what else would be left for us? Sampai bila kita mampu untuk biarkan diri kita dihina, dicerca, dipergunakan?

Jangan sampai tanda tanda kiamat semakin jelas. Lagi lagi tanda 'pemimpin bagi orang Islam adalah orang bukan Islam'. Titik.

Uish jauhnya kita borak. Tetiba mood serius haha.

Back to school.

I know, Allah nak uji aku dengan sebenar benar ujian. Tak lain tak bukan, ni mesti sebab nak promote aku naik maqam lagi tinggi kan? Ngehehe mohon jeles.

Bukan setakat Dia letak aku masuk sekolah balik, dia letak aku masuk sekolah yang jauh sekali berbeza 360 darjah dengan sekolah yang aku pernah sekolah dulu. Hamekaw!

Nak sangat real life macam dalam tv kan? Nah hamek.

Menyesal?

No. Never. Tak pernah rasa pun begitu.

Kenapa?

Sebab saya cool kids dan orang orang lain bukan cool kids, and yeah saya mampu berada di sini, and make some changes. Tak percaya? Oh well, believe it or not, I surely will.

Hang in there, girl.

"Lain kali nak doa apa apa biar spesifik, jangan pakai taram umum umum konon. Ingat tu!"

"Okay"

*nak belajar main gitar la jugak hehe*

30 October 2014

Warm night

Mantin, Negeri Sembilan